I had a day tripper from Mumbai, who came to Ajmer Shariff, and as well to meet me. I was very touched to connect to a lady who arrived all the way from Mumbai with a box of Aflatoon sweets. Thou I am not very celebrated on sweets, yet the gesture was truly appreciated.
As we sat down to talk on her concerns, gradually the subject went with respect to the women's issues in the country. I was glad to know that she was a solicitor in the Family Court, Mumbai. .
Her stories within the family court room refreshed one's memory of the film " Damini" the heroine of the film in a quest for fairness fights against the family of her spouse and eventually lands in a mental asylum.
The Solicitor narrated to me that these incidents are very common in the society. The violence on women is a major concern among all class. Bride burning, committing suicide, accusations, character abuse, marital rape, and when all efforts fails the groom does not hesitate to get a certificate from a doctor that the woman is mentally sick and produces in court. In the past some women have unfortunately landed in such situations due to fake certificates. However now the law is very stringent towards the protection of women and their rights. The days of producing certificates to prove the woman as mentally sick is no more a easy escape for the man. Its time to know these are now ancient trick in the book. One must not land himself in the mental asylum in the quest to nail another falsely.
Emotional Abuse is also another form of Domestic Violence. Emotional abuse is used to control, degrade, humiliate and punish a spouse. While emotional abuse differs from physical abuse, the end result is the same…a spouse becomes fearful of their partner and begins to change their behaviors to keep their partner happy. The happier their partner, the less domestic violence the spouse has to suffer. By the time a woman identifies the true problem they have begun to feel as if they are crazy. They will doubt themselves and their own sense of reality because emotional abuse is meant to cause the victim to question their every thought and behavior.
Some common tactics an emotional abuser will use : Isolating a woman from friends and family. Discourage any independent activities such as work; taking classes or activities with friends.
Accuse her of being unfaithful if she talks to a member of the opposite sex.
Expect her to partake in sexual activities that she is uncomfortable with to prove their love. Or, withhold sex as punishment instead of communicating openly their displeasure.
Constantly criticize the spouses weight, their looks, they way they dress.
If the spouse does not give into the control they are threatened, harassed, punished and intimidated by the abuser.
Any abuse is crippling. It steals a person of their self-esteem, the ability to think rationally, self confidence in themselves and their independence .If your spouse’s words and behaviors has caused any of these feelings it is time to seek help.
Physical abuse is easily identified. There is no doubt, once you have been hit, its clear you have been abused because the bruises and scars are visible evidence that abuse has taken place. Emotional and Verbal abuse is different. The damage is internal, there are no physical bruises or scars, just a WOUNDED SPIRIT and sense of self-esteem.
Being called names by your spouse is unacceptable. There are names that are obvious and, without question abusive. Then there are the veiled attempts to put a spouse down that are harder to identify. Verbal abusers love to use constructive criticism to beat a spouse down. If your spouse is constantly criticizing you, “for your own good,” be careful. This is the most insidious form of verbal abuse. Another common method is
Using words to shame. Critical, sarcastic, mocking words meant to put you down either alone or in front of other people.
Yelling, swearing and screaming. or provoking you to do the alike , Using threats to intimidate. No threat should be taken likely, even if your spouse tells you they are only joking, especially if it causes you to change behaviors or to feel on guard in the relationship.
Blaming the victim. Your spouse blows his top and then blames you for their actions and behavior. The common statement here " If you were only perfect he wouldn’t lose control! Its all your fault "...
Your feelings are dismissed. Your spouse refuses to discuss issues that upset you. They avoid discussion of any topic where they might have to take responsibility for their actions or words.
You often wonder why you feel so bad. You bury your feelings, and work so hard at keeping the peace that every day becomes an emotional chore. You feel depressed and have even wondered if you are crazy.
Manipulating your actions. The persistent and intense use of threatening words to get you to do something or act in a way you find uncomfortable. This form of verbal abuse is common at the end of a marriage. If your spouse doesn’t want a divorce they will say whatever it takes to play on your emotions, to get you to stay in the marriage or the divorce to be from your end. . All in an attempt to get you to comply with their desires, regardless of what is best for you as an individual.
If any death of a woman within seven years of tier marriage in any circumstances raising a reasonable suspicion that some other person committed an offence in relation to such woman there will be a inquiry by the Magistrates who are empowered to hold inquests, namely, any District Magistrate or Sub-divisional Magistrate and any other Executive Magistrate specially empowered in this behalf' by the State Government or the District Magistrate. ( 1. Subs. by Act 46 of 1983, sec. 3., for certain words (w.e.f 25-12-1983).)
I was horrified to know that such things still exist in our society. Education has not changed the mindset of few individuals. Instead of making all efforts to make ones marriage rock, the desire for more dowry or materialism makes them a criminal. Is human life of any value ? can anyone be so brutal and conniving to kill another life ? Is love momentary or was it all about money. What is the reality behind the many unfolded truth in many homes where a woman lives in silence within the confined walls of harassment. This is a serious issue and we must eliminate such criminals from ruining the lives of many innocent women.
A woman gets into marital bliss with dreams of love and future. She leaves her family behind to adjust into her new life. The love and support of her husband and in laws can make her life fulfilling. treating her like a maid or a financial institution or a doormat or a sex slave is not what she has desired. Women suffer in silence for the fear of society, family and varied reasons.
Hence the suffering brings them the loss of their life. The man gets the freedom to ruin another blameless girl and the family of the deceased have lost their most cherished in a bid to keep the respect in society and the stigma of a divorce. Is Divorce a social stigma ? Does this mean for fear of society one loses her existence ? Is this justice ? What is the solution ? How can we as a community help such women ?
There are many such organisations who are here to rescue women in similar situations. Help is attainable. Fight prejudice. Take back your power. If you react to the abuser, you are rewarding them. Letting them know they have power over your emotions. Don’t allow the abuser to have control over how you feel. There are times when the best thing you can do for yourself is, break all ties with your abuser. If you make this decision hire an attorney familiar with domestic violence, stay in close contact with your support system and focus on coping skills.
The Few organisations one can connect in such events: National Council of Women in India, Delhi. and the countless NGO "s in your city or any Non Profit Organisation
Gulsha Fawzia Salman Chishty
Kamaluddin Charitable Trust( Regd)
#48 Wellington Street
Bangalore - 560025
Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum
