We Want Peace

We want to make the world a better place.

We care.

We want to confess or share our faults/mistakes.

We care about others and our well being.

We want to make a difference.

We want to be healthy.

We want to be green.

We are not perfect.

We want to be kind.

We want Peace.

We are human.

We care about the future.

We want to help others.

There is a lot we can do to make 

the world a better place and it begins

with ourselves.

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum

What is irrational jealousy

WHAT IS IRRATIONAL JEALOUSY?

 how do we handle irrational jealous feelings. Usually, the individual recognizes that his feelings are unreasonable with no valid evidence but feels incapable of controlling the jealousy. In addition, the person usually recognizes the destructive nature of indulging in the feelings and the resulting behavior. Such behavior typically involves excessive questioning of his spouse, suspiciousness, and accusations. Many spouses become extremely frustrated with this behavior because they have no way of proving their faithfulness. This leads to an escalating cycle of anger which is used as further evidence by the jealous spouse that his suspicions are correct.

The jealous spouse often desperately wants to stop the behavior but finds that he can't control the thoughts which makes him feel miserable. He believes that if he can just prove his suspicions one way or another, he will feel better. The unfortunate fallacy in this thinking, is that trust can never be proven; it can only be disproved. The definition of trust is the belief that something is true. Therefore, without evidence to the contrary, if we want a satisfying relationship, we have to choose to trust the person we love. 

One of the most difficult things for human beings, in general, is not knowing something with 100% certainty. We are often afraid to trust because we are fearful of disappointment and hurt. Therefore, we go through extreme contortions to try to protect ourselves from the possibility of loss and pain. Yet, these attempts to protect ourselves may actually be the means with which we destroy that which we are trying to preserve. In other words, a woman may eventually destroy her marriage because she is too fearful to take the chance of trusting that her husband is faithful. As a result, she causes the loss and pain that she was trying to prevent. 

WHAT CAUSES IRRATIONAL JEALOUSY?

For a person to learn to control jealousy, it is first important to understand what underlies the irrational thinking. Frequently, an individual who is prone to irrational jealousy may have problems with low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, fear of vulnerability, or fear of abandonment. In some cases the spouse deliberately creates such suspicions in the mind of his partner by his action of being secretive of all that he does at work, phone on silent, avoiding his spouse at certain occasions, keeping her out of all his financial matters or his family matters. Making the other feel jealous and unwanted. These are habits which destroys the peace and sanity of ones life. Thus creating the negative emotion in the mind of his spouse.

Another instance can be when a person with low self-esteem may feel so undeserving of being loved, that he can't believe that his spouse could possibly remain faithful to him. Perhaps these feelings stem from some abusive past relationship in which he was unloved and made to believe that he was at fault. For instance, if a teenager is told, "If only you were more like your brother, then maybe you could get a girlfriend" he comes to believe that there is something wrong with him. Many times we are given messages, some subtle and some not-so-subtle, as we are growing up that shape our beliefs about ourselves.

Feelings of insecurity may stem from the low self-esteem or may be related to instances in which we have previously been hurt. The same is true with fear of abandonment. When we have experienced profound loss from which we haven't had an opportunity to recover, we may develop an extreme fear and avoidance reaction to similar circumstances. However, as indicated earlier, this avoidance may bring about the abandonment that we fear.

A fear of vulnerability is the inability to let our guard down, to let another person know us completely. This fear usually derives from a fear of rejection due to the belief that if we let someone else truly know us, we will ultimately be rejected. Again, the fallacy in this belief, is that if we don't allow our spouse to know us, if we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we are preventing the development of emotional intimacy which is essential to any relationship.

Emotional intimacy is the most important type of intimacy in a relationship. It is required for the relationship to fully mature. Without it, all we have is the initial surface attraction to the other person which cannot be maintained indefinitely. However, when we find emotional intimacy with another person, we discover the most intensely fulfilling experience that exists. And that is, the full acceptance of our self by another person. I know some people may argue with me and say that "the most intensely fulfilling experience that exists" is our relationship with God. The reason I say that it is the development of emotional intimacy with another person, is because acceptance from God is a given and doesn't require as much of a risk. 

Finally, the individual needs to determine if there are certain behaviors from herself or from her spouse that may contribute to the development of these fears and beliefs. For instance, perhaps a spouse is reluctant to share personal information because he will then be subject to questioning and accusations. As a result, emotional intimacy in the relationship declines. The person who is jealous will often take this as further evidence of cheating in the relationship, when, in fact, it is a result of the questioning and accusations. Or, for example, a jealous person has repeatedly harmed relationships through his accusations which he takes as evidence that women can never be trusted. 

The more you are aware of your behaviors and other's behavior that may maintain the beliefs, then you will be able to make better choices that can allow you to control the jealousy. In fact, the development of awareness can't be emphasized enough. You may need to spend some time at this point to assess your jealousy, the behaviors, and the outcomes based on the behaviors.

HOW DO YOU STOP IRRATIONAL JEALOUSY?

Once you have determined the behavior, then you can make choices to change the behavior. Even though these feelings seem uncontrollable, that doesn't mean they are uncontrollable. However, you may need to make a commitment to the hard work involved in making changes.

The following steps can help you with these changes:

1) Make an effort to no longer engage in the self-defeating behavior. If you are questioning or making accusations, stop the behavior immediately. Whether you need to literally bite your tongue, go to another room, or talk to a friend, don't allow yourself to continue with this destructive behavior. Usually people engage in this behavior because initially it is reassuring to them and makes them feel better. But remind yourself that feeling better is just temporary and that it is a destructive behavior that must stop.

2) Challenge the irrational thinking styles frequently. Identify how your thinking is irrational and remind yourself of why it is whenever you have the jealous thoughts. If is often beneficial to write this down. Some things that you may identify include the idea that there is no evidence, that the probability is remote, and that there is evidence to the contrary such as the loving things your spouse does for you.

3) Refuse to engage in the jealous self-talk. Whenever you engage in the jealous self-talk, internally tell yourself to "shut up." You may need to do this repeatedly, but you want to do whatever is necessary to not listen to yourself on this topic. Some people use the rubber band method which involves the aversive stimulus of snapping a rubber band on your wrist whenever you have the jealous self-talk.

4) Work on improving your self-esteem. Remember that irrational jealousy is not about your spouse but is about yourself. Use the presence of jealous feelings to remind yourself that you need to focus on improving your self-esteem. Although improving self-esteem is another entire topic to itself, generally, you need to give yourself positive self-statements and engage in behaviors that make you feel good about yourself.

5) Learn to be vulnerable and to develop emotional intimacy. For any relationship to be successful, you must be able to take risks. There are many ways to do this and you need to determine by assessing yourself what are the best ways for you to take risks. For instance, if you feel insecure, you might share these feelings with your spouse and talk about ways your spouse can help you feel more secure. Or if you are afraid of being vulnerable, you might decide to take small risks of sharing yourself, your feelings, and your fears with your spouse.

Sometimes the process of developing awareness and challenging irrational beliefs may be too difficult to accomplish alone and a person may need assistance from a therapist. However, typically a good cognitive-behavioral therapist can point you in the right direction within a few sessions and then most of the work is up to you.

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum

What Happens After Awakening

   

Awakening is just the beginning. It is the most important turning point in our evolution because it marks the potential to live more purely as Essence in the world and less as ego. However, for most people the ego isn’t gone after awakening and can resurrect at times or operate surreptitiously. Ego-identification still occurs after awakening, but when it is happening it is usually recognized quickly, and so it doesn’t last long or have the power to cause suffering that it did before awakening. Most people’s egos are intact after awakening, but because there is a realization of who you really are, the ego is seen for what it is and recognized to be not who you are. When ego-identification happens, it’s more like you are watching yourself be identified, while you continue to be aware of yourself as Essence. There is a much greater capacity after awakening to not identify with the ego and to remain as Essence, which is an easeful experience of being in the flow that includes love easily flowing from you toward everyone and everything. 

There are certain common experiences that occur after awakening, although everyone’s experience is individual. Nevertheless, nearly always the first stage after awakening is an experience of elation and spiritual inflation to some degree. The ego re-forms around “I am awake” and takes some pride and sense of superiority in that. This is a phase that nearly everyone passes through, and it is pretty apparent, if not to the newly awakened person, to those around him or her. There is often a tendency to talk about the awakening, to wonder who else is and is not awake, and to identify oneself as “awake” to others. An identity forms around being awake. This can be rather harmless, but if the person doesn’t realize the ego has taken on spiritual garb, then this phase can last for some time. Knowing that this is a normal stage can help you get through this phase more gracefully.

Another common experience is feeling lost, empty, directionless, and without motivation. This is actually the remaining ego’s experience of awakeness. The ego felt the same way when it touched into Essence before awakening, which is why it ran from it then. But now it can’t escape the reality: It is no longer in charge. Its goals are no longer primary; they no longer are the driving or shaping force in life. Something else is shaping life. Something else has taken the helm, and it doesn’t operate through the mind as the ego did. The awakened person has to learn to allow Essence to move him or her naturally and spontaneously (through the intuition and urges to act and speak), and the ego, just as before awakening, isn’t comfortable with that. A new way of being in the world has to be learned, as the egoic mind is no longer the guiding force. 

It can take a while before this new way of being feels comfortable and is trusted, but going back to the egoic mind is generally not felt to be an option, although that does happen. Plenty of people awaken and then allow the egoic mind to continue to run the show, as if they had never awakened. In these cases, the person doesn’t feel much different after awakening as before, and this is very confusing. Depending on the amount of conditioning and woundedness that remain within the personal self, the ego can still be fairly compelling, especially in those aspects of life that need healing. 

Whatever conditioning remains to be healed will come up after awakening because it’s time for all conditioning to be seen and released. This is rather disconcerting to those who assume that awakening means the end of conditioning and ego-identification. Awakening just makes it easier to see and heal the conditioning and not continue to identify with it, which only strengthens it. The potential for conditioning (and the egoic mind) to weaken and drop away increases tremendously after awakening because alignment with Essence allows the conditioning to be seen, accepted, understood, and healed rather than identified with. From Essence, it is possible to discover the mistaken beliefs that fuel conditioned behavior and negative feelings, and in this discovery, the conditioning is healed. As a result, evolution can progress very rapidly after awakening. So, if this is your experience, please understand that it is the right experience and what needs to be cleared away is being cleared away so that you can live more truly as Essence.

It often takes at least a couple of years, and often much more, to become more stabilized after an awakening. During that time, there is usually an unraveling of conditioning, as just mentioned. For many, it may also be a time of modifying the structures in their lives to fit Essence rather than the ego. Anything that is no longer aligned with Essence’s intentions for this life is likely to feel unpleasant and uncomfortable, and you are likely to be moved to change it. Many make enormous changes after awakening and others make none; it depends on how aligned with Essence your life before awakening was. If it was structured around your conditioning and the ego’s values, then it will have to change. This is one reason why some go back to the egoic mind even after awakening—it is an attempt to maintain the structures that no longer work. The person will probably only be able to do this for so long. It is difficult to have seen the truth and then walk away from where it’s calling you.

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum

Kundalini Awakening called the "Seat of the Soul"

The pineal gland has been the center for research and studies throughout history. Mystery and myths have surrounded the 'third eye' and there are many references to the pineal gland throughout history. Ancient Greeks  believed that the pineal gland in our heads was used as a connection to the "Realms of Thought". Descartes, who was a French philosopher, mathematician, scientist, and writer, called it the "Seat of the Soul".

What is the Pineal Gland?

The pineal gland is shaped like a pine cone and is about the size of a pea. It is located in the geometric center of the brain between both the left and right hemispheres of the brain. It is tucked in a small "cave" where both thalamic bodies join and is attached behind the eyes to the third ventricle. It is not isolated from the body from the blood-brain barrier systems.

The pineal gland can be seen in some skull x-rays due to calcification. This is typically due to intake of fluoride. Fluoride is found in water and toothpaste. When calcium builds up in soft tissue, it causes it to harden. Studies have shown that calcium affects the pineal gland more than it affects teeth or bone. Phosphorus and calcium in the pineal gland are linked to aging.

The pineal gland is part of the endocrine system in the body, making it an endocrine gland. It releases extracellular signaling molecules. These are known as hormones. The pineal gland releases melatonin, a hormone that affects various parts of the body, regulating sleep and wake patterns, mood, growth, development, puberty, and tissue function.

The pineal gland controls various biological rhythms of the body. It works in harmony with the gland which directs the body's thirst, hunger, sexual desire, and like I mentioned above, the aging process.

There is a connection between the retinas to the hypothalamus. This is called the retinohypothalamic tract. This brings about information about the light and dark cycles to the suprachiasmatic nucleus or SCN.

Light & Peace,

Gulsha Fawzia Salman Chishty
http://www.gulsha.giving.officelive.com

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum

Domestic Violence Act In India

Domestic Violence Act for Women’s empowerment in India

Domestic Violence Act 2005 is the first significant attempt in India to recognise domestic abuse as a punishable offence, to extend its provisions to those in live-in relationships, and to provide for emergency relief for the victims, in addition to legal recourse.

Why a legislation for domestic violence?

Domestic violence is among the most prevalent and among the least reported forms of cruel behaviour.

Till the year 2005, remedies available to a victim of domestic violence in the civil courts (divorce) and criminal courts (vide Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code) were limited. There was no emergency relief available to the victim; the remedies that were available were linked to matrimonial proceedings; and the court proceedings were always protracted, during which period the victim was invariably at the mercy of the abuser.

Also the relationships outside marriage were not recognised. This set of circumstances ensured that a majority of women preferred to suffer in silence. It is essentially to address these anomalies that the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act was passed.

Who are the primary beneficiaries of this Act?

Women and children. Section 2(a) of the Act will help any woman who is or has been in a domestic relationship with the ‘respondent’ in the case.It empowers women to file a case against a person with whom she is having a ‘domestic relationship’ in a ’shared household’, and who has subjected her to ‘domestic violence’.

Children are also covered by the Act; they too can file a case against a parent or parents who are tormenting or torturing them, physically, mentally, or economically. Any person can file a complaint on behalf of a child.

Who is defined as ‘respondent’ by this law?

Section 2 (q) states that any adult male member who has been in a domestic relationship with the aggrieved person is the ‘respondent’. The respondent can also be a relative of the husband or male partner .Thus, a father-in-law, mother-in-law, or even siblings of the husband and other relatives can be proceeded against.

How does the new law define domestic abuse?

Section 3 of the law says any act/conduct/omission/commission that harms or injures or has the potential to harm or injure will be considered ‘domestic violence’.

Under this, the law considers physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, psychological, and economic abuse or threats of the same.

Even a single act of commission or omission may constitute domestic violence — in other words, women do not have to suffer a prolonged period of abuse before taking recourse to the law.

How does the law ensure that a wife who takes legal recourse in the event is not intimidated or harassed?

An important aspect of this law is that it aims to ensure that an aggrieved wife, who takes recourse to the law, cannot be harassed for doing so. Thus, if a husband is accused of any of the above forms of violence, he cannot during the pending disposal of the case prohibit/restrict the wife’s continued access to resources/ facilities to which she is entitled by virtue of the domestic relationship, including access to the shared household. In short, a husband cannot take away her jewellery or money, or throw her out of the house while they are having a dispute.

What are the main rights of a woman as recognised by this law?

The law is so liberal and forward-looking that it recognises a woman’s right to reside in the shared household with her husband or a partner even when a dispute is on .Thus, it legislates against husbands who throw their wives out of the house when there is a dispute. Such an action by a husband will now be deemed illegal, not merely unethical.

Even if she is a victim of domestic violence, she retains right to live in ’shared homes’  that is, a home she shares with the abusive partner. Section 17 of the law, which gives all married women or female partners in a domestic relationship the right to reside in a home that is known in legal terms as the shared household, applies whether or not she has any right, title or beneficial interest in the same.

The law provides that if an abused woman requires, she has to be provided alternate accommodation and in such situations, the accommodation and her maintenance has to be paid for by her husband or partner.

The law, significantly, recognises the need of the abused woman for emergency relief, which will have to be provided by the husband. A woman cannot be stopped from making a complaint/application alleging domestic violence. She has the right to the services and assistance of the Protection Officer and Service Providers, stipulated under the provisions of the law.

A woman who is the victim of domestic violence will have the right to the services of the police, shelter homes and medical establishments. She also has the right to simultaneously file her own complaint under Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code.

Sections 18-23 provide a large number of options for legal redressal. She can claim through the courts Protection Orders, Residence Orders, Monetary Relief, Custody Order for her children, Compensation Order and Interim/ Ex parte Orders.

If a husband violates any of the above rights of the aggrieved woman, it will be deemed a punishable offence. Charges under Section 498A can be framed by the magistrate, in addition to the charges under this Act. Further, the offences are cognisable and non-bailable. Punishment for violation of the rights enumerated above could extend to one year’s imprisonment and/or a maximum fine of Rs 20,000.

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum