Emotional Abuse or Verbal Abuse

I had a day tripper from Mumbai, who came to Ajmer Shariff, and as well to meet me. I was very touched to connect to a lady who arrived all the way from Mumbai with a box of Aflatoon sweets. Thou I am not very celebrated on sweets, yet the gesture was truly appreciated.

As we sat down to talk on her concerns, gradually the subject went with respect to the women's issues in the country. I was glad to know that she was a solicitor in the Family Court, Mumbai. .

Her stories within the family court room refreshed one's memory  of the film " Damini" the heroine of the film in a quest for fairness fights against the family of her spouse and eventually  lands in a mental asylum.

The Solicitor narrated to me that these incidents are  very common in the society. The violence on women is a major concern among all class. Bride burning, committing suicide, accusations, character abuse, marital rape, and when all efforts fails the groom does not hesitate to get a certificate from a doctor that the woman is mentally sick and produces in court. In the past some women have unfortunately landed in such situations due to fake certificates. However now the law is very stringent towards the protection of women and their rights. The days of producing certificates to prove the woman as mentally sick is no more a easy escape for the man. Its time to know these are now ancient trick in the book. One must not land himself in the mental asylum in the quest to nail another falsely.

Emotional Abuse is also another form of Domestic Violence. Emotional abuse is used to control, degrade, humiliate and punish a spouse. While emotional abuse differs from physical abuse, the end result is the same…a spouse becomes fearful of their partner and begins to change their behaviors to keep their partner happy. The happier their partner, the less domestic violence the spouse has to suffer. By the time a woman identifies the true problem they have begun to feel as if they are crazy. They will doubt themselves and their own sense of reality because emotional abuse is meant to cause the victim to question their every thought and behavior. 

Some common tactics an emotional abuser will use : 

Isolating a woman  from friends and family. 

Discourage any independent activities such as work; taking classes or activities with friends. 

Accuse her of being unfaithful if she talks to a member of the opposite sex. 

Expect her to partake in sexual activities that she is uncomfortable with to prove their love. Or, withhold sex as punishment instead of communicating openly their displeasure. 

Constantly criticize the spouses weight, their looks, they way they dress. 

If the spouse does not give into the control they are threatened, harassed, punished and intimidated by the abuser.

Any abuse is crippling. It steals a person of their self-esteem, the ability to think rationally, self confidence in themselves and their independence .If your spouse’s words and behaviors has caused any of these  feelings it is time to seek help.

Physical abuse is easily identified. There is no doubt, once you have been hit, its clear you have been abused  because the bruises and scars are visible evidence that abuse has taken place. Emotional and Verbal abuse is different. The damage is internal, there are no physical bruises or scars, just a WOUNDED SPIRIT  and sense of self-esteem.

Being called names by your spouse  is unacceptable.  There are names that are obvious and, without question abusive. Then there are the veiled attempts to put a spouse down that are harder to identify. Verbal abusers love to use constructive criticism to beat a spouse down. If your spouse is constantly criticizing you, “for your own good,” be careful. This is the most insidious form of verbal abuse. Another common method is 

Using words to shame. Critical, sarcastic, mocking words meant to put you down either alone or in front of other people. 

Yelling, swearing and screaming. or provoking you to do the alike , Using threats to intimidate. No threat should be taken likely, even if your spouse tells you they are only joking, especially if it causes you to change behaviors or to feel on guard in the relationship.

Blaming the victim. Your spouse blows his top and then blames you for their actions and behavior. The common statement here " If you were only perfect he wouldn’t lose control! Its all your fault "...

Your feelings are dismissed. Your spouse refuses to discuss issues that upset you. They avoid discussion of any topic where they might have to take responsibility for their actions or words.

You often wonder why you feel so bad. You bury your feelings,  and work so hard at keeping the peace that every day becomes an emotional chore. You feel depressed and have even wondered if you are crazy.

Manipulating your actions. The persistent and intense use of threatening words to get you to do something or act in a way you find uncomfortable. This form of verbal abuse is common at the end of a marriage. If your spouse doesn’t want a divorce they will say whatever it takes to play on your emotions, to get you to stay in the marriage or the divorce to be from your end. . All in an attempt to get you to comply with their desires, regardless of what is best for you as an individual.

The Law http://www.vakilno1.com/bareacts/Domestic-Violence/s5.htm towards  protecting  women is very strong in our country. There is no escape for such harassment on dowry or with motives. Another trend is provoking the woman by abusing her with names constantly, mentally harrowing her to the extent that she would be driven to commit suicide. The law here is once more to be understood http://www.vakilno1.com/news/Protection-of-Women-From-Domestic-Violence.php. 

 If any death of a woman within seven years of tier marriage in any circumstances raising a reasonable suspicion that some other person committed an offence in relation to such woman there will be a inquiry by the 

Magistrates who are empowered to hold inquests, namely, any District Magistrate or Sub-divisional Magistrate and any other Executive Magistrate specially empowered in this behalf' by the State Government or the District Magistrate. (

1. Subs. by Act 46 of 1983, sec. 3., for certain words (w.e.f 25-12-1983).)

I was horrified to know that such things still exist in our society. Education has not changed the mindset of few individuals. Instead of making all efforts to make ones marriage rock, the desire for more dowry or materialism makes them a criminal. Is human life of any value ? can anyone be so brutal and conniving to kill another life ? Is love momentary or was it all about money. What is the reality behind the many unfolded truth in many homes where a woman lives in silence within the confined walls of harassment. This is a serious issue  and we must  eliminate such criminals from ruining the lives of many innocent women.

A woman gets into marital bliss with dreams of love and future. She leaves her family behind to adjust into her new life. The love and support of her husband and in laws can make her life fulfilling. treating her like a maid or a financial institution or a doormat or a sex slave is not what she has desired. Women suffer in silence for the fear of society, family and varied reasons.

 Hence the suffering brings them the loss of their life. The man gets the freedom to ruin another blameless girl and the family of the deceased have lost their most cherished   in a bid to keep the respect in society and the stigma of a divorce. Is Divorce a social stigma ? Does this mean for fear of society one loses her existence ? Is this justice ? What is the solution ? How can we as a community help such women ?

There are many such organisations who are here to rescue women in similar situations. Help is attainable. Fight prejudice.  Take back your power. If you react to the abuser, you are rewarding them. Letting them know they have power over your emotions. Don’t allow the abuser to have control over how you feel. There are times when the best thing you can do for yourself is, break all ties with your abuser. If you make this decision hire an attorney familiar with domestic violence, stay in close contact with your support system and focus on  coping skills.

The Few organisations one can connect in such events: National Council of Women in India, Delhi. and the countless NGO "s in your city or any Non Profit Organisation 

Gulsha Fawzia Salman Chishty

Kamaluddin Charitable Trust( Regd)

#48 Wellington Street

Bangalore - 560025

email: info@thinkingspacecorp.com

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum

Important Message

Friends, Kindly know that there is someone out here who is been writing to all my friends and welwishers  with fake ids on facebook and emails maligning me. The person is been constantly writing to most of them who are closely associated with various names like ram kumar das, shalini and so on... they have also the support of the few who do not personally like me... little do these know that in the event of any damage to my life it will be investigated. My request to those is plz do not involve in such mess.

Kindly do not go by the messages as its a plot by some miscreants who wish to eliminate me as they have been constantly threatening me and my family of dire consequences if I do not leave Ajmer City and stop the visits to Dargah. Further threatening me to stop healing if not they would finish my existence here. This is a threat which is been there for the last 6 months and now in the last one month is been increasing. I am being harassed day in and day out. There is too much pressure on me to leave Ajmer Shariff. 

Kindly pray for me and my family. And do not believe any baseless stories which is simply to misguide the public.

All I need is prayers as I am of the believe that life and death is in Gods hand. If you hate me too kindly be away as its better in your interest.

 

Regards

Gulsha Fawzia.

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum

Khuddam-e-Khwaja and Lineage, Relation and Association with Khwaja Sahib (Harke-Khidmat Kard Makhdum Shud)

Dear Friends,

My stay in Ajmer made me curious about the role of a khadim. Last night once again I  visited the Dargah at 8 pm and we got back home after another 2 hours of mystical serenity within the Dargah . My friend , a Hindu by Religion too visiting me from Bangalore is mesmerized by the essence of the Shrine. There is no argument on the fact  that I can never write anything which is not to my satisfactory.

 My experience in the last week has truly been mystical and my love and respect for Hazrath Khwaja Gareeb Nawaz (R.A) is turned towards a new beginning and  immense. My feeling of grief and pain of being alone in the city with many questions around me has made me advance towards the Dargah and the Chilla of Khwaja Saab everyday. During my period of grief I have experienced a mystical blessing and this has brought me closer to the Awlia of Allah. I felt I had the protection and the guidance from the Holy Saint. It gave me courage and the strength towards many new direction. 

My continuous trip to the Dargah and the Chilla of Khwaja Saab has made me understand a lot about the Holy City and has drawn me towards the Holy Saint. However my quest to write with a new topic, which is informative enabled me to do some research on the role of  a Khadim.

My sincere and humble thanks to the humble khadims, of the Dargah who helped me understand my queries and enlightened me towards the role and the Lineage of a Khadim.  

The Khadims of Huzoor Khwaja Gharib Nawaz (R.A.) known as “Syedzadgan” trace their lineage from Hazrat Khwaja Syed Fakhruddin Gurdezi (R.A.) through his sons - Khwaja Syed Masood, Khwaja Syed Mehboob Bahlol and Khwaja Syed Ibrahim.

Hazrat Khwaja Syed Fakhruddin Gurdezi (R.A.) and Huzoor Khwaja Gharib Nawaz (R.A.) were first cousins and spiritual borthers and Hazrat Khwaja Syed Fakhruddin Gurdezi (R.A.) was also the Khadim-e-Khas of Hazrat Khwaja Gharib Nawaz (R.A.) he used to attend on Hazrat Khwaja Gharib Nawaz (R.A.) day in day out, therefore, he and his descendants the present Khadim community took pride and deemed it an honour to be called “Khadims” of Hazrat Khwaja Gharib Nawaz (R.A.)

Hazrat Khwaja Qutubuddin Bakhtiar Kaki (R.A) 

 of Delhi in his book 'Munis-ul-Arwah' has mentioned  " During my twenty years company with my 'Shaikh' (spiritual leader), i did not find any other person , except Fakhruddin so near to him. "

The Khuddam-e-Khwaja 

{ Decendents of Hazrat Khwaja Syed Fakhruddin Gurdezi (R.A) } are also referred to as Mujavirs, Syedna, Sahibzadas, Khudma, Gaddinashins etc. by the devotees, and the pilgrims, who shower all kinds of offerings (Nazar) upon them, in the name of Khwaja Moinuddin Chishty.

Khwaja Hussain Nagori (R.A) has alluded the Khadims of Khwaja Sahib as equivalent to Ridwan (the door keeper of heaven), and it clearly states that the great Saints of the time have held the Khadiman-e-Khwaja  in high esteem, and appreciated their role than and thus the expectation remain until this day. 

The Mazar-e-Aqdas (Holy Shrine) of Hazrat Khwaja Gharib Nawaz (R.A.) was taken care by  the Khadim community from the very beginning, and became a part of the Silsila, over generations they became the custodians of the Holy Shrine (Mazar-e-Aqdas) by way of their ancestral khidmath. All the  rituals & traditions of the Mazar-e-Aqdas (Holy Shrine) are rightfully taken care by Khadims even to the present day.

“KHUDDAM-e-Khwaja's and the SHRINE -

 

The keys of the Holy Shrine including the Toshakhana are in the custody of the Khadims since generations according to centuries old Kalid Bardari system of their ancestors.

The Khadims are entittled to open (after giving Azan at the door step of the Shrine) & close the doors of the Holy Shrine for centuries in religious & hereditary Lineage.

Khadims are the only one entitled to take Zaireen (Pilgrims) for Ziyarat (Darshan) at the Holy Shrine, and they have the right to receive all kinds of Nazar & Niyaz (offerings) at the Holy Shrine (Mazar-e-Aqdas) of Huzoor Khwaja Gharib Nawaz (R.A.). This is the reward by Allah , which is the rightful Haq of a Khadim for his services towards the saint. 

The Khadims, who have been attached to the Shrine since its inception, played a key role in the smooth functioning and in continuance the rituals and ceremonies..

Their right to serve the Shrine, to perform religious rituals and arrange spiritual functions and to receive all kinds of Nazars (Offerings) is their  hereditary earning and have also been judicially recognised. The documentary evidences are in the “Malfoozat” (sayings) of Chishtia order & historical literature, Shahi Faramin, Sanads etc. (Imperial orders) Jagirs, honours and rewards conferred upon them from time to time not only by Muslim rulers but also by many Hindu Rajas and Chieftains of India, which was also conferred by the British Government during their succeeding regimes.

For re-evaluating and re-assessing the rights by way of memorandum some relevant facts were placed before Joint Parliamentary Committee for Waqf on 4th and 5th July 2002 for their just and due consideration which is as under :-

1." 

 It is rather unthinkable for a moment that the Khadim community in this long checkered history of the institution has ever acted against the interest of the institution or the country on the contrary we have always contributed for the upliftment of the institution and also raised some structures in Dargah Sharif for the Zaireen (Pilgrims) from our own pockets. The Khadim community has kept the glorious traditions of secular character & composite culture of this institution alive for the last 800 years. Envy has got an evil ; thus false evidences are created or manufactured to discredit Khadims in general out of jealousy & obvious reasons.

The Khadims, with all their devotion, have all along been the first and foremost  in attendance of the Holy Saint and later on with the Holy Shrine right from the beginning . Their ancient  relationship with the  shrine is recognized by the Sufi order of all Schools. Chishtia, Qadria, Naqshbandia, Soharvardia & so on. "

Thus a khadim has a strict code of conduct to be followed. As he represents and is in attendance at the Holy Shrine of Sultan Ul Hind Hazrath Gareeb Nawaz.... His acts and moral code is a direct implication on the Holy Saint. This is reminded from time to time, as any act which is not in accordance to the moral or ethical values will not be taken at ease by the seniors of the present  Khadim community who are responsible for the values which is been imbibed from generation as their soulful service towards the Holy Shrine of the Holy Saint.. 

Subsequently the Zaireen  is the binding duty of every Khuddam-e-Khwaja to treat them with  honour and dignity , to provide every possible facility to them. The devotees to the Holy Shrine,  are the guests of Huzoor Khwaja Gharib Nawaz (R.A.) and have been treated as such all along by the Khuddam-e-Khwaja. 

Despite all the efforts made by the Dargah administration and the local administration, most of the pilgrims stay with their respective Duwagos (Khuddams of Khwaja SB). Khuddam-e-Khwaja try to make their pilgrims and stay  comfortable as possible.For the last 800 years, thus  keeping with the tradition earnestly & religiously.

The houses of Khadims of Khwaja Saab are used for Zaireen accommodation since  centuries, (as per Khanqahi Nizam) free accommodation & food are provided to Zaireen without charging any tariff or fees. Whatever Zaireen offers us in Nazrana is purely voluntary & that Nazrana is spent on them & the Zaireen (Pilgrims). Hotel & Dargah Committee guest houses have come into existence only in these last 30 years.

Nazrana is one of the right  of Khanqahi Nizam. 

It is an Arabic word meant for any kind of offering (both in cash & in kind) the pilgrims & Mureeds offer voluntarily to their respective Duwagos (Khadims of the Mazar) for the “satisfactory - spiritual services” (Dua) rendered by them. 

 It is also paid on the fulfillment of one’s own vow . it is a gesture of appreciation paid for rendering satisfactory spiritual service hence it is personal, undisputable, irrefutable and “unclaimable” by others. It is neither pre - determined nor “pre - fixed” but “willing offering” on the fulfillment of one’s on cherished desires. Based on age old Sufi tradition of Dargahs & Khanqas it is purely meant for personal use.

Mr. S.A.I. Tirmizi former director of Archeological Survey of India has compiled the Mughal documents translated Persian Farmans (imperial orders) into English (1526-1627) which was published by Manohar publications, Ansari Road, Darya Ganj, New Delhi which states the  Mughal documents  established the fact, that Mujavirs (Khadims) of Khwaja Sb. have also received Nazars, Jagirs and Farmans (imperial orders) from Mughal emperors as offerings.

The position of Khadim is two fold -  he is “duty bound” for the hereditary services of the Shrine and t is purely spiritual to the entire satisfaction of the pilgrim in return for a religious act (Dua) for the fulfillment of his vows (Mannat) either before or after. It is similar to “Dakshina” offered to the deity for the Pandits of Pushkar where Brahma’s temple is situated. Thus Ajmer is both religious and historical for the Hindus and the Muslims. There is unity in diversity. The “Holy Saint” bestows his blessing on all regardless of rank, race and region which is the miracle of the Saint.

Court Verdicts

1. "The defendant is a Khadim of the Dargah, and the Khadims of Dargah are hereditary Khadims, not in the sense of house hold servants. THEY PERFORM PRIESTLY FUNCTIONS THIER CONNECTION WITH THE SHRINE IS NOT ONLY ANCIENT BUT INTIMATE. They introduce pilgrims to the Shrine their business keeps them attched to the Dargah, and to be present in it and to go to it at all hours of the day. They look to the comforts of the pilgrims whom they introduce while inside the Dargah"

AIR 1959 Raj. P. 177 = RLW 1959 P. 503. Para. 21

2. “The Khadim’s right to receive offerings which has been judicially recognised is in no manner affected or prejudiced by the impugned provisions. Even after the Act came into force pilgrims might and would make offerings to the Khadims and there is no provision in the Act which prevents them from accepting such offerings when made”

AIR - 1961 Supreme Court - Page 1402

3. There has been a litigation between the Dargah Committee (Central Govt. body) and Khadims for last 4 decades regarding the droppings in the historical two Degs (Pots) installed by Mughal emperors Akbar & Jahangir in the Dargah Sharif.

Agar Gaiti Sarasar Bad Girad, Chiragh-e-Chishtiyan Hargiz Namirad.

(If the entire universe is devastated by the storm, the lamp of Chishtiyan shall not cease to illuminate)

Peace & Blessings

Gulsha Fawzia Salman

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum

Pain & Suffering in Islam

“Indeed Allah is All-Powerful (Al-'Aziz) and He is able to do all things ('ala kull sha'in qadir)

But then the question comes why do pain and sufferings exist in the world. We find sickness, old age and death. We see things that are ugly, people who are insane and foolish. There are storms, earthquakes, floods, draught and famine. We also see people commit sins, show disloyalty, unfaithfulness, greed and insincerity. We see people commit rapes, murders; they fight and make wars. We know all these and many more problems. There are evils caused by human beings and there are natural disasters. There are suffering for individuals and there are those that involve a large number of people. 

But we also know that this is not the entire  story. Besides all these negative things, we also see beauty, health, prosperity, life, birth, wisdom, intelligence, growth and progress. We also see goodness among people, faith, sincerity, charity, love and the spirit of sacrifice. We also see a lot of virtue and piety. It is wrong to see one side of the coin and not to see the other side. Any philosophy that concentrates on one aspect of the creation and denies or ignores the other side is partially true and partial truths are no truth at all. 

It is also the fact that the element of good is more in the creation than the element of evil. We all see that there are more people who are healthy than those who are sick. There are more that eat well than those who starve. 

There are more that lead decent life than those who commit crimes.

" Goodness is the rule and evil is the exception. Virtue is the norm and sin is the aberration.". 

But then the question is why does Allah allow these exceptions to the rules? 

Let us  understand Allah's ways in His creation. The Qur'an tells us that good, evil and whatever happens in this world happens by Allah's Will (mashi'at Allah). Only Allah knows fully His Will. We  beings cannot grasp fully, His infinite Will and Wisdom. He runs His universe the way He deems fit.

 The Qur'an tells us that Allah is Wise and everything that Allah does is right, just, good and fair. We must submit and surrender to His Will. The Qur'an has not given us all the details about Allah's Will, but it has enlightened us with the guidance that is useful and sufficient for us. There are several points that we should keep in our mind to understand this issue: 

1. First of all, Allah did not make this world a permanent world. This is a temporary world and everything here has a time limit. When its times comes it will die, come to an end and finish. Neither the good things of this world are forever, nor the bad things eternal. We are here for a short time and we are being tested. Those who will pass this test will find an eternal world that is perfect and permanent. Those who will fail this test shall see the evil consequences of their sins and corruption. 

2. Allah has placed a physical law and a moral law in this universe. Allah allows suffering to occur when one or more of these laws are broken. The physical law is based on cause and effect. Sickness comes if one does not take care of one's health or is exposed to infections. A accident occurs when one is not alert, or due to careless manner,... Even here we should keep in mind that Allah often saves us and He does not let us suffer from every negligence. How many times it happens that we are not careful and still we reach safely to our destinations. 

“(Allah) Most Gracious! It is He Who has taught the Qur'an. He has created man: He has taught him speech (and Intelligence). The sun and the moon follow courses (exactly) computed; and the herbs and the trees both (alike) bow in adoration. And the Firmament has He raised high, and He has set up the Balance (of Justice), in order that you may not transgress (due) balance. So establish weight with justice and fall not short in the balance. It is He Who has spread out the earth for (His) creatures." (Ar-Rahman:1-10) 

The way we exceed the measures set by Allah and violate His laws of cause and effect is incredible. It is really the mercy of Allah that we are saved. Strictly speaking, the question should not be why does Allah allow suffering, but how much Allah protects us and saves us all the time in spite of our violations and negligence. The Qur'an says: 

“If Allah were to punish people according to what they deserve, He would not leave on the back of the (earth) a single living creature: but He gives them respite for a stated Term: when their Term expires, verily Allah has in His sight all His servants." (Fatir:45) 

But sometimes Allah does punish people because of their violations of His laws whether they are physical or moral. The Qur'an tells us that many nations and communities were destroyed because of their sinful lifestyles: 

“If they treat thy (mission) as false, so did the Peoples before them (with their Prophets), the People of Noah, and Ad and Thamud. Those of Abraham and Lut; and the Companions of the Madyan people; and Moses was rejected (in the same way). But I granted respite to the Unbelievers, and (only) after that did I punish them: but how (terrible) was My rejection (of them)! How many populations have We destroyed, which were given to wrong-doing! They tumbled down on their roofs. And how many wells are lying idle and neglected, and castles lofty and well-built?" (Al-Hajj: 42-45) 

3. Suffering can also be a test and trial for some people. Allah allows some people to suffer in order to test their patience and steadfastness. Even Allah's Prophets and Messengers were made to suffer. Prophet Ayyub (Job) is mentioned in the Qur'an as a Prophet who was very patient. Good people sometimes suffer but their sufferings heal others and bring goodness to their communities. People learn lessons from their good examples. Martyrs die for their faith, soldiers give their lives for their nations and this brings liberation and freedom for their people. 

4. Allah sometimes allows some people to suffer to test others, how they react to them. When you see a person who is sick, poor and needy, then you are tested by Allah. Allah is there with that suffering person to test your charity and your faith. In a very moving Hadith Qudsi (Divine Hadith) the Prophet, peace be upon him, said: 

“Allah will say on the Day of Judgment, ‘O son of Adam, I was sick and you did not visit Me.' He will say, ‘O my Lord, how could I visit You, when you are the Lord of the Worlds.' Allah will say, ‘Did you not know that My servant so-and-so was sick and you did not visit him? Did you not know that if you had visited him, you would have found Me there?' Allah will say, ‘O son of Adam, I asked you for food and you fed Me not.' He shall say, ‘O my Lord, how could I feed you and you are the Lord of the Worlds?' And Allah will say, ‘Did you not know that My servant so-and-so was in need of food and you did not feed him? Did you not know that if you had fed him, you would have found that to have been for Me?' ‘O son of Adam, I asked you for water and you did not give Me to drink.' The man shall say, ‘O my Lord, how could I give You water, when You are the Lord of the Worlds?' Allah will say, ‘My servant so-and-so asked you for water and you did not give him to drink water. Did you not know that if you had given him to drink, you would have found that to have been for Me.' (Muslim, Hadith no. 4661) 

Prophet 'Isa (Jesus), peace be upon him, is also reported to have said something similar. (See Matthew 25: 35-45) 

Conclusion:  we can say that sufferings occur to teach us that we must adhere to Allah's natural and moral laws. It is sometimes to punish those who violate Allah's natural or moral laws. It is to test our faith in Allah and to test our commitment to human values and charity. Whenever we encounter suffering we should ask ourselves, “Have we broken any law of Allah?” Let us study the cause of the problem and use the corrective methods. “Could it be a punishment?” Let us repent and ask forgiveness and reform our ways. “Could it be a test and trial for us?” Let us work hard to pass this test. 

Believers face the sufferings with prayers, repentance and good deeds. The non-believers face the sufferings with doubts and confusions. They blame Allah or make arguments against Him. 

May Allah keep us on the right path, Amen! 

Allah Almighty knows best.

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum

“baqa billah” or “eternal life in union with God”

Muhammad al-Baqi Billah
May Allah Sanctify His Soul

"O Sayyid! Agnostic of high degree used to say,
'Being a dervish is to correct the imagination.'
In other words, nothing other than the Real
should remain in the heart. In truth, he spoke well.
O Sayyid! Since the veil is nothing but imagination,
the veil must be lifted through imagination.
Night and day you must dwell in imagining Oneness."

Shaykh Baqi's son, Khwaja Khurd.

 

He was the Knower, Annihilated in God (fana billah) and Existing in His Existence (baqa billah), who was lifted to the highest station of Vision. He was a Secret of Allah's Secrets and a Miracle of Allah's Miracles. He combined in his person the two types of knowledge: the Outer Knowledge and the Heavenly Knowledge. God gave him from the two Oceans, and conferred on him Authority in the two worlds of men and Jinn.

Imam Rabbani Ahmad al-Faruqi (q) said, "Muhammad al-Baqi was the One Sitting on the Throne of all Shaikhs, and he was the Deputy of all Masters of the Naqshbandi Golden Chain, who reached the end of the Infinite, who achieved the highest states of wilayat (Friendship of God). He was the qutb(Spiritual Pole) who supported every creature on this earth. He unveiled the secrets of Reality. He was the Verifier of the Station of the Reality of Muhammad . He was the Pillar of the People of Guidance. He was the Essence of the Knowers and the Guide of the Verifiers (muhaqqiqin)."

He was born in 972 H. in the city of Kabul in the land of `Ajam which was a colony of the Sultanate of India. His father was the judge Abdu-s-Salam. He went to India in the first instance on personal business. There he was attracted to an attraction from God's attraction. He left this worldly life behind and sought spiritual knowledge from the Master of the century. He kept company with masters and saints, until he himself became an ocean of intellect and a saint of spirituality. He traveled continuously until he reached the city of Samarqand. There he connected himself to the Master of his time,Muhammad Khwaja al-Amkanaki (q). He received from him the Way of the Naqshbandi Order. In a very short time he received what most seekers require a lifetime to receive. He was elevated also through the spiritual care of Ubaidullah al-Ahrar (q). His honor became known everywhere. His shaikh, Muhammad Khwaja al-Amkanaki, authorized him to take followers and to train them in the conduct of the Order. He ordered him to go back to India. He predicted, "You are going to have a follower who will be like the sun." This would be Imam Rabbani Ahmad al-Faruqi (q).

He moved back to India and stayed in the city of Delhi-Jahanabad, which he filled with faith and knowledge and secrets and lights. Through him the Naqshbandi Order was spread with great swiftness throughout the Indian Subcontinent and millions of people were connected to him through his deputies. All nations in the Subcontinent were attracted to his knowledge and his Heavenly Power and to the Prophetic Characteristics dressing him. It became known throughout the Indian Subcontinent that anyone coming to him and looking in his eyes, or sitting in his association doing dhikr, would enter a state of Self-Effacement, through which he could reach a state of Annihilation, in a single meeting. By this miraculous power he attracted millions of people, until this Naqshbandi Order was on the tongue of every person in his time.

He died on Wednesday, the 14th of Jumada al-Akhira, 1014 H., in the city of Delhi at the age of 40 years and four months. His grave is on the West side of the city of Delhi.

He passed the Secret to his successor, the Shaykh of this Chain, the Reviver of the Second Millennium, al-Imam ar-Rabbani Mujaddid alf-ath-Thani, Shaykh Ahmad al-Faruqi as-Sirhindi (q).

“Real fana is to forget the “not Divine”, to free oneself from the love of this world, and to purify the core from all desires and wishes as it is required of a servant. And real “baqa” is to fulfil the commands of the Lord, to make his Will one’s own, without losing one’s self identity”. concepts of “fana” and “baqa”.

“Fana “and baqa are both steps in the mystical occurence. “fana billah” is understood as merging with the Divine Essence or unification with God.or the “existence of the self in God”.

This is the first stage in the mystical experience and only a stepping stone toward the final goal of attaining “baqa billah” or “eternal life in union with God” . 

When fana is experienced by the mystic, he forgets his self but when he reaches the phase of experiencing “baqa” he recovers some of his individuality and therefore, the distinction between him and the Divine again becomes obvious to him.

“Fana” is the first stage in the mystical journey and also the entities experience in the quest for union with the Divine. Some mystics remain trapped in the first unitise stage. for those who cannot proceed to the next stage are prevented from Accepting separation from the Divine.

Nevertheless the second stage is also dangerous at times and the most painful experience. Yet there is much joy in the experience, pain is a part of the joy here. The pain on the universe is worth such a experience. One has to be blessed to be chosen for such a journey as life here is short and the life beyond the universe is much beautiful. For such a occurence one can sacrifice oneself and die a billion death. 

However Perfect Master is at Baqa-Billah or the highest point of Divine realization, and is one with God. He is on all levels of consciousness in unison. He transcends the Cycle of repeated lives. After losing His individuality and merging with the Oneness of the Infinite Divinity, He again attains duality consciousness, and works for the evolution of humanity and for those who surrender to Him. 

The spiritual journey is divided into seven stages of inner evolution also called the planes of consciousness. The lower planes are full of miracles while the seventh or the Highest plane is of God Realization, where one becomes one with God. Such realized Souls are of immense spiritual benefit. From among the God-realized, some souls become Perfect Masters and return to help other souls reach God realization.

However, to reach the highest seat of consciousness the mystic encounter's annihilation at every stage. One perishes in a million ruins in the journey. It's comfortable for another to pinpoint fingers and denounce the journey of another.. the pain of such mystics can never be understood by any unrefined. To reach the highest stage one dies and passes away over there is no more existence on the sphere. It's heartbreak and pain. Death and vacant ness, void to fullness, again full of empty, and it elapses. This is the true life of a Sufi mystic. 

My Conclusion:

WHAT Purpose IS THE Existence ON EARTH, WHICH Esteems NONE. WHAT LOVE DEMANDS HERE is CONDITION AND WHAT LOVE Exists THAT What JUDGES YOU AS Second. Wherefore Perish FOR THE Compassion OF Almighty, WHO Embraces YOU Amid ALL YOUR FLAWS 

- Gulsha Fawzia Salman Chishty

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum

We Want Peace

We want to make the world a better place.

We care.

We want to confess or share our faults/mistakes.

We care about others and our well being.

We want to make a difference.

We want to be healthy.

We want to be green.

We are not perfect.

We want to be kind.

We want Peace.

We are human.

We care about the future.

We want to help others.

There is a lot we can do to make 

the world a better place and it begins

with ourselves.

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum

What is irrational jealousy

WHAT IS IRRATIONAL JEALOUSY?

 how do we handle irrational jealous feelings. Usually, the individual recognizes that his feelings are unreasonable with no valid evidence but feels incapable of controlling the jealousy. In addition, the person usually recognizes the destructive nature of indulging in the feelings and the resulting behavior. Such behavior typically involves excessive questioning of his spouse, suspiciousness, and accusations. Many spouses become extremely frustrated with this behavior because they have no way of proving their faithfulness. This leads to an escalating cycle of anger which is used as further evidence by the jealous spouse that his suspicions are correct.

The jealous spouse often desperately wants to stop the behavior but finds that he can't control the thoughts which makes him feel miserable. He believes that if he can just prove his suspicions one way or another, he will feel better. The unfortunate fallacy in this thinking, is that trust can never be proven; it can only be disproved. The definition of trust is the belief that something is true. Therefore, without evidence to the contrary, if we want a satisfying relationship, we have to choose to trust the person we love. 

One of the most difficult things for human beings, in general, is not knowing something with 100% certainty. We are often afraid to trust because we are fearful of disappointment and hurt. Therefore, we go through extreme contortions to try to protect ourselves from the possibility of loss and pain. Yet, these attempts to protect ourselves may actually be the means with which we destroy that which we are trying to preserve. In other words, a woman may eventually destroy her marriage because she is too fearful to take the chance of trusting that her husband is faithful. As a result, she causes the loss and pain that she was trying to prevent. 

WHAT CAUSES IRRATIONAL JEALOUSY?

For a person to learn to control jealousy, it is first important to understand what underlies the irrational thinking. Frequently, an individual who is prone to irrational jealousy may have problems with low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, fear of vulnerability, or fear of abandonment. In some cases the spouse deliberately creates such suspicions in the mind of his partner by his action of being secretive of all that he does at work, phone on silent, avoiding his spouse at certain occasions, keeping her out of all his financial matters or his family matters. Making the other feel jealous and unwanted. These are habits which destroys the peace and sanity of ones life. Thus creating the negative emotion in the mind of his spouse.

Another instance can be when a person with low self-esteem may feel so undeserving of being loved, that he can't believe that his spouse could possibly remain faithful to him. Perhaps these feelings stem from some abusive past relationship in which he was unloved and made to believe that he was at fault. For instance, if a teenager is told, "If only you were more like your brother, then maybe you could get a girlfriend" he comes to believe that there is something wrong with him. Many times we are given messages, some subtle and some not-so-subtle, as we are growing up that shape our beliefs about ourselves.

Feelings of insecurity may stem from the low self-esteem or may be related to instances in which we have previously been hurt. The same is true with fear of abandonment. When we have experienced profound loss from which we haven't had an opportunity to recover, we may develop an extreme fear and avoidance reaction to similar circumstances. However, as indicated earlier, this avoidance may bring about the abandonment that we fear.

A fear of vulnerability is the inability to let our guard down, to let another person know us completely. This fear usually derives from a fear of rejection due to the belief that if we let someone else truly know us, we will ultimately be rejected. Again, the fallacy in this belief, is that if we don't allow our spouse to know us, if we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we are preventing the development of emotional intimacy which is essential to any relationship.

Emotional intimacy is the most important type of intimacy in a relationship. It is required for the relationship to fully mature. Without it, all we have is the initial surface attraction to the other person which cannot be maintained indefinitely. However, when we find emotional intimacy with another person, we discover the most intensely fulfilling experience that exists. And that is, the full acceptance of our self by another person. I know some people may argue with me and say that "the most intensely fulfilling experience that exists" is our relationship with God. The reason I say that it is the development of emotional intimacy with another person, is because acceptance from God is a given and doesn't require as much of a risk. 

Finally, the individual needs to determine if there are certain behaviors from herself or from her spouse that may contribute to the development of these fears and beliefs. For instance, perhaps a spouse is reluctant to share personal information because he will then be subject to questioning and accusations. As a result, emotional intimacy in the relationship declines. The person who is jealous will often take this as further evidence of cheating in the relationship, when, in fact, it is a result of the questioning and accusations. Or, for example, a jealous person has repeatedly harmed relationships through his accusations which he takes as evidence that women can never be trusted. 

The more you are aware of your behaviors and other's behavior that may maintain the beliefs, then you will be able to make better choices that can allow you to control the jealousy. In fact, the development of awareness can't be emphasized enough. You may need to spend some time at this point to assess your jealousy, the behaviors, and the outcomes based on the behaviors.

HOW DO YOU STOP IRRATIONAL JEALOUSY?

Once you have determined the behavior, then you can make choices to change the behavior. Even though these feelings seem uncontrollable, that doesn't mean they are uncontrollable. However, you may need to make a commitment to the hard work involved in making changes.

The following steps can help you with these changes:

1) Make an effort to no longer engage in the self-defeating behavior. If you are questioning or making accusations, stop the behavior immediately. Whether you need to literally bite your tongue, go to another room, or talk to a friend, don't allow yourself to continue with this destructive behavior. Usually people engage in this behavior because initially it is reassuring to them and makes them feel better. But remind yourself that feeling better is just temporary and that it is a destructive behavior that must stop.

2) Challenge the irrational thinking styles frequently. Identify how your thinking is irrational and remind yourself of why it is whenever you have the jealous thoughts. If is often beneficial to write this down. Some things that you may identify include the idea that there is no evidence, that the probability is remote, and that there is evidence to the contrary such as the loving things your spouse does for you.

3) Refuse to engage in the jealous self-talk. Whenever you engage in the jealous self-talk, internally tell yourself to "shut up." You may need to do this repeatedly, but you want to do whatever is necessary to not listen to yourself on this topic. Some people use the rubber band method which involves the aversive stimulus of snapping a rubber band on your wrist whenever you have the jealous self-talk.

4) Work on improving your self-esteem. Remember that irrational jealousy is not about your spouse but is about yourself. Use the presence of jealous feelings to remind yourself that you need to focus on improving your self-esteem. Although improving self-esteem is another entire topic to itself, generally, you need to give yourself positive self-statements and engage in behaviors that make you feel good about yourself.

5) Learn to be vulnerable and to develop emotional intimacy. For any relationship to be successful, you must be able to take risks. There are many ways to do this and you need to determine by assessing yourself what are the best ways for you to take risks. For instance, if you feel insecure, you might share these feelings with your spouse and talk about ways your spouse can help you feel more secure. Or if you are afraid of being vulnerable, you might decide to take small risks of sharing yourself, your feelings, and your fears with your spouse.

Sometimes the process of developing awareness and challenging irrational beliefs may be too difficult to accomplish alone and a person may need assistance from a therapist. However, typically a good cognitive-behavioral therapist can point you in the right direction within a few sessions and then most of the work is up to you.

Posted via email from Gulsha Fawzia Begum